Dating horror stories: ‘Why would I date you?’

“There are millions of other ladies in the globe, so why would I date you?”

That was the textual content I acquired from the male who, up till that position, I assumed I was dating.

As I reread his text by way of a new glaze of tears, my brain labored to sort by way of the two months I experienced used with this person.

Most of my 20s were being squandered on rummaging by way of the depressing wreckage that is the L.A. dating pool. But this dude was various. For just one, we experienced in fact first achieved in particular person, a novelty when so many satisfy on a relationship application. He was sweet, sweet and good. We realized every single other through the comedy local community, and I had briefly dated a mutual mate, so we’d had event to chat a couple periods but nothing beyond that — right until he slid into my DMs.

This DM felt diverse from a simple “slide.” More decided and keen.

He told me he considered I was stunning and amusing and that he required to just take me out as shortly as possible. What is more, he did this on Christmas Day — a day ostensibly about family, togetherness and, oh yeah, really like.

I thought, This dude signifies business enterprise.

Two times later on we found ourselves feeding on ramen at Grand Central Market and strolling all over DTLA not significantly from his place. We brushed palms far more than once as he showed me some of the city’s placing architectural feats appropriate in his backyard. The electrical power amongst us was palpable.

We shared vegan ice cream (he was vegan I went alongside with it) and crossed Pershing Sq. even though talking about our preferred 19th century Impressionist painters — L.A. pretension at its best. But also, perhaps, one thing more?

This pattern of downtown walks and overpriced vegan samplings persisted 7 days soon after week, but our inner thoughts for each individual other remained unspoken. I realized he tended to be shy, and I didn’t want to occur off as extremely keen (as one particular tends to do when one for as lengthy as I have been).

Then one particular night as we had been texting, I realized I required to say some thing.

“Hey!” I typed to him with trembling hands (Why am I trembling? I thought, this is just open and truthful communication) “I genuinely like you and would enjoy to take points more critically.”

My stomach fluttered with nerves and enjoyment. Like any excellent Angeleno, I realized my therapist would be proud of me.

I received a textual content back again. The textual content. The text that turned our undefined romance into some kind of math word issue in my brain: If there are a million other women in the environment and Sarah is a person of them, how substantially of a opportunity does she truly have with this guy?

My breath caught like a drawstring pulled tight all over my lungs. How was this occurring? Experienced I been wholly delusional? Was he encountering a serious situation of amnesia induced by a piano falling on his head from a superior-increase building? (Downtown L.A. has a lot of tall properties, so I was not ruling anything out just nonetheless.)

I advised him I was bewildered. Admittedly, points hadn’t gotten actual physical. But hadn’t we been going on dates? Flirting? And chatting about previous associations, as you do when you’re obtaining to know another person?

He explained to me he under no circumstances saw the romantic relationship as anything extra than two individuals with comparable interests hanging out and speaking. And then he clarified the text with a pointed reminder of my fleeting marriage with our mutual acquaintance: There are hundreds of thousands of other ladies “who have not dated my buddy.”

Ah. Was that what this was about?

All I could muster was a simple, “Thanks for letting me know.”

I didn’t want to make him come to feel negative, just after all.

The future 7 days or so was used moping, wallowing and moping a bit far more.

No subject how a lot of moments I went over it, I couldn’t determine out what went erroneous. I blamed myself.

I’m not pretty adequate. He could do improved. I realized I should not have done that Cher impact for him. Two times.

But as they do, thoughts ebb and movement right until we’re in a position to process them and shift on.

And I did. The future couple of months have been invested working on self-enhancement, and I stopped imagining about him fully. Then 1 evening as I was heading more than my to-do checklist for the pursuing day (1 of the hallmarks of my newfound self-enhancement), my telephone buzzed.

It was him. Sure, the “him” who so uncouthly permit me know there have been millions of other women in the environment obtainable for his courting pleasure. Nevertheless to my shock, he was apologizing, permitting me know he acted the way he did due to the fact he was terrified. He begged for a second possibility. (Is not that one thing you’d say to another person you ended up relationship?) A torrent of thoughts hit me: I was relieved, offended, baffled, a tiny hungry, but over-all resolute in my sensation that I was improved off devoid of him.

So I did what any good, empowered female would do: I caved and gave him a next chance.

Later that 7 days, I built the trek to his DTLA condominium. I should not have been so psyched to see him, but I was.

Then, on opening his door, he knowledgeable me that he “hadn’t had time to shower in the previous three days.” 3 days. With greasy hair slicked again, he sat on the couch and turned on TruTV’s “Impractical Jokers,” which we then viewed for two hours in silence on reverse ends of the sofa.

Genuinely romantic.

This should have been the finish of it, but for the subsequent several weeks this person ongoing to pull me in and string me alongside with his at any time-familiar pattern of rejections and apologies. Out of my personal desperation to eventually uncover like, I took his bait.

Right until one evening, months afterwards, when he commenced to doze off on his couch just times right after we shared our initially kiss, I resolved I was last but not least carried out.

I nonetheless don’t know regardless of whether he basically appreciated me or was just an awkward 30-some thing nevertheless seeking to figure out what he required. Or a man who lashed out when I tried to drive the romantic relationship alongside to the next degree. But what I do know is, really do not at any time give a person a 2nd possibility if he sees you as just one of a million and not a single in a million.

The writer is a writer, actress and scholar at UCLA’s Specialist Method in Creating for Television.

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